SAGITTARIUS (November 22 — December 21)
It’s your birthday, dear Sagittarius! Surrounding yourself with people has never been a struggle for an outgoing party animal such as yourself, but you should make more of an effort with your family this special month. They’ve always been there for you, and they won’t be much longer.
CAPRICORN (December 22 — January 19)
December will be a great month for a hardworking sign such as yourself, Capricorn. What are your motivations, though? Make sure you’re not just using work to drown your fear of mortality.
AQUARIUS (January 20 — February 18)
Ah, the holiday season, a perfect time for a blooming romance. As long as your fear of jealousy doesn’t stand in your way. You have nothing to fear. Nobody’s gonna get all that jealous. Nobody cares all that much.
PISCES (February 19 — March 20)
With Mars in Pisces this fine month, you will finally feel motivated to act on at least some of the many projects you have going. Here’s a nifty solution to get your focus back: listen to the tick-tock of your watch. It’s the sound of time running out.
ARIES (March 21 — April 19)
You are headstrong, Aries, and you will feel a little unsettled this December. It’s because Mars is reeling through your 12th house. Be patient, the existential restraint you feel will pass soon enough.
TAURUS (April 20 — May 20)
Nothing pleases a Taurus like the holiday season. What will make it even more special, is the thought that it’s one season less to enjoy in your lifetime. Cherish it!
GEMINI (May 21 — June 20)
The elusive Gemini! You’re a jack of all trades and a master of none, so take advantage of the energetic Mars in your 10th house and use your particular talents to make things better for humanity. You know, before it kills itself off.
CANCER (June 21 — July 22)
The sensitive Cancer will feel emboldened in her close relationships at home and at work, making communication so much easier. The arrangements for your funeral? Now’s the time to let people know what you have in mind!
LEO (July 23 — August 22)
Love is in the air for the bold and beautiful Leo! While the appreciation for your person flourishes, it may be difficult to stay humble in this special period. But soon you’ll return to the ground, from where you were taken.
VIRGO (August 23 — September 22)
With warrior Mars reeling through your 7th house, you may feel like your most resourceful self when it comes to your career. Ask yourself, though, is it really worth all the hassle? No amount of money can buy you time, the scarcest resource.
LIBRA (September 23 — October 22)
A spot of Venus in your 5th house will sure make you broody this holiday season. Always use a condom though, the planet is already overpopulated. You are wonderful, but it really is for the best if the family name ends with you.
SCORPIO (October 23 — November 21)
You’re a complex lady, dear Scorpio. Figuring out what your goals are isn’t as complicated as it seems. Start with how you’d like your funeral to go and work your way backwards to make it super easy.